25 Signs You Grew Up in the Aughts

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Ten years ago, I wrote what would become the first article on this here website, a list of 25 signs that you grew up in the nineties. I thought it fitting that I’d now tackle the next decade, so please find below my personal “Teen of the Aughts” list. You know you were a teenager in the aughts when…

  1. You think Britney Spear is talented.

  2. You think vampires are for girls.

  3. When your elders tell you that MTV used to play music videos, you laugh and exclaim, “Why didn’t people just go on YouTube?”

  4. You get your news from The Daily Show (which sadly puts you ahead of those who get theirs from Fox News).

  5. You believe “summer blockbuster” is code for “grown men in tights winging about having super-powers, boo-hoo”. Also, you think every sequel to a successful blockbuster should be accompanied by a third perfunctory entry that consists of roughly five hours of fighting to melodramatic choir music.

  6. You think pop singers are defined by their synthetic robot voices.

  7. For you, sitcoms involve people staring at the camera while they share their innermost thoughts, but no laugh track. That’s unrealistic.

  8. You view Darth Vader as stilted, fey, and a bit of a whiner.

  9. You think the term “practical effect” in movies refers to CGI that practically looks real.

  10. You think love is when someone changes his or her Facebook status to “In a Relationship”.

  11. Your first breakup was on Twitter.

  12. You view Indiana Jones as an old fart fighting communists while searching for alien artifacts rather than as a badass fighting Nazis while searching for historical artifacts. Also, you wonder why he bothers with these things when he should be mowing down terrorists like any proper action hero.

  13. You think Batman has laryngitis.

  14. You don’t think Justin Bieber is an ironic name.

  15. Your father won’t shut up about The Wire.

  16. You think Kevin James is funnier than Eddie Murphy (and, let’s face it, at this point, you may be right).

  17. You believe the Transformers are racist.

  18. “Reality”, for you, means entitled twenty-something-year-olds behaving like animals in front of a camera.

  19. You associate “52” with DC Comics rather than the number of weeks in a year.

  20. You think every horror flick should feature at least one rape and torture sequence.

  21. You don’t understand why people used to buy their downloaded music on brittle, disk-shaped pieces of petrol.

  22. You know Kevin Smith as a professional blowhard rather than a filmmaker.

  23. You think John McLane is lame.

  24. You believe that, when celebrities die, they go to Dancing with the Stars rather than Hollywood Squares.

  25. You’ve bullied at least one person in your life. Her name was Rebecca Black.

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Category: Random Thoughts | Tags: , ,

          
Editor in Chief / Movie Critic: When he started this site, Dimitri never thought he'd be writing blurbs about himself in the third person. In his other life, he works as a writer, translator, and editor for various publications in print and online. His motto is, "Have pen, will travel."