A Time-Warped Valentine

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This is a webpage in which you are the hero! Remember those old role-playing fantasy novels? Consider this the Internet version of the concept. Whenever presented with a dilemma, click on your preferred course of action to jump to the next chapter of your saga.

Meeting the right person is hard enough in the real world, but it can be downright impossible with a reality-altering monster on the loose. Your objective is to find love and fill your heart. Aww…

Click on this sentence to start your adventure.


1

The cab fare almost cleans you out, leaving you with little more than a dollar. It’s not enough for the nightclub. Your friends go in without you. (Aren’t they great?)


2

The cab ride was rough and smelly. Your friends quickly exit the vehicle, leaving you to pay the driver.


3

Weren’t you holding Flippy’s ankles? As you release Flippy into the vortex, his essence interferes with Audrey’s mystical gloves, destroying the timeline. Way to go, stupid.


4

With only seconds to spare, you head for the last oven, but Daphne stands in your way. You forgot about her, didn’t you? As the two of you struggle, the timeline gets destroyed. Nice work, cretin.


5

I’m happy too. What’s your point? Fine. You bump into a man named Alexei. Your mutual attraction is almost palpable. Before you can make a move, you see a man flung across the room by a strange creature. Alexei shouts, “Continuum!” and starts shooting lasers at the monster.


6

In an ideal world, courtship would transcend gender conventions. Unfortunately, this is not an ideal world. For one, you’re playing this crazy game instead of going out on a real date. Please specify your sex.


7

The nightclub is hosting a special comics-themed Valentine’s Day party entitled “Stan Lee in Love”, an event organized by a guy calling himself The Scott.


8

You successfully pull Alexei out of the vortex. Now you can perhaps go on a date. Of course, the matter of the last oven remains unresolved, and you’ve just run out of time. Literally. The timeline is destroyed. Well done, you imbecile.


9

The cab ride was rough and smelly. Your friends quickly exit the vehicle, leaving you to pay the driver.


10

It’s February 14, and your friends invite you to celebrate Valentine’s Day at a swanky nightclub.


11

Everyone claims to know The Scott, but no one can tell you where he is. It reminds you of The Great Gatsby, except with a guy dressed like a weird manga hero.


12

Acting like a complete jerk turns out surprisingly ineffective. Daphne pushes you into the vortex, where your essence interferes with Audrey’s mystical gloves. As a result, the timeline is destroyed. Good job, creep.


13

Flippy and The Scott have been good friends since high school. However, no one who actually knows The Scott calls him that. It’s just Scott. Flippy asks if you want to meet him.


14

The cab fare almost cleans you out, leaving you with little more than a dollar. It’s not enough for the nightclub. Your friends go in without you. (Aren’t they great?)


15

Near the back entrance, you find a young woman with curly brown hair standing alone in the cold.


16

From inside the creature’s vortex, Audrey will activate her supernatural gloves, creating a ripple effect in the space-time continuum. Meanwhile, Daphne will crank up the last of the ovens. The resulting heat will convert the trans-dimensional ripples into an energy barrier that will confine the creature to a single timeline… Hey, you asked.


17

Before you can make your move, the young woman hugs you and cautions you to stay inside. She opens the door to let you in.


18

Everyone claims to know The Scott, but no one can tell you where he is. It reminds you of The Great Gatsby, except with a guy dressed like a weird manga hero.


19

The men’s room is deserted, a rare occurrence in nightclubs. The walls open up, revealing a hole in the space-time continuum. A young woman with curly brown hair, an effeminate bloke with a ponytail, and a tall Asian man with tattoos are trying to escape the vortex.


20

You take hold of Flippy’s ankles, allowing him to grab three people inside the vortex. Among them is his girlfriend Catherine. Meanwhile, Audrey activates her mystical gloves, but Daphne refuses to crank up the last oven, an essential part of their plan.


21

You find Audrey at the bar. She’s fine. The same can’t be said of Flippy, whom you see flung across the room by a strange creature. Audrey shouts, “Continuum!” and puts on a pair of funky metallic gloves. She starts shooting lasers at the monster.


22

Flippy and The Scott have been good friends since high school. However, no one who actually knows The Scott calls him that. It’s just Scott. Flippy asks if you want to meet him.


23

It doesn’t help. The monster creates a vortex that sucks you in. As you float in ether, the malevolent entity makes you a deal: it will reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you accept to relive the evening as a woman.


24

The trans-dimensional creature bursts in. The man known as Flippy is on its back, hitting the monster with a golf club. The entity creates a vortex in which both Audrey and Flippy immediately leap.


25

You reach into the vortex but slip and get sucked in. As the portal closes over you, you see Flippy enter the ladies’ room. Floating in ether, you hear a strange voice. The entity makes you a deal: it will reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you accept to relive the evening as a woman.


26

Near the back entrance, you find a young woman with curly brown hair standing alone in the cold.


27

As you flee the men’s room, you bump into the woman named Audrey. Your mutual attraction is almost palpable.


28

It turns out the trans-dimensional creature had set you up from the beginning, controlling your environment to guide your decisions. It had predicted you would come here and had notified Daphne in a dream. Daphne, who sees her ex regularly, was testing you to make sure you are indeed the creature’s chosen one.


29

“Call me Victor,” the entity replies. “I have an offer for you: if you accept to relive this evening as a female, I will reverse the flow of time and erase all of tonight’s events.”


30

Before you can make your move, the young woman hugs you and cautions you to stay inside. She opens the door to let you in.


31

The Scott’s friends burst out laughing. They try to apologize, but you’re too embarrassed to listen.


32

Audrey, an athletic blonde with clunky metallic gloves, enters the pizzeria and asks Daphne if you’re legit. Daphne tries to answer, but she’s too busy crying over her ex-boyfriend. The trans-dimensional creature bursts in. The man known as Flippy is on its back, swinging a golf club.


33

At the bar, you meet a charming blond who buys you a drink. You feel an instant rapport with her.


34

The ladies’ room is deserted, a rare occurrence in nightclubs. The walls open up, revealing a hole in the space-time continuum. A young woman with curly brown hair, a handsome bloke with a ponytail, and a tall Asian man with tattoos are trying to escape the vortex.


35

The doorman is gay, so that works out well. Unfortunately, he rather enjoys gossip. He tells you about Philippe, your taxi driver, who used to work in a pizzeria but quit after he and his girlfriend broke up. Apparently, Philippe is still in love with his ex…


36

Daphne tells you she and Philippe used to go out. She asks you what’s become of him.


37

Near the back entrance, you find a young woman with curly brown hair standing alone in the cold.


38

You find Alexi at the bar. He’s doing just fine. The same can’t be said of Flippy, whom you see flung across the room by a strange creature. Alexei shouts, “Continuum!” and starts shooting lasers at the monster.


39

Before you can make your move, the young woman hugs you and cautions you to stay inside. She opens the door to let you in.


40

Daphne, the only employee present, seems sceptical when you tell her she needs to crank up the ovens immediately in order to defeat an oncoming trans-dimensional beast.


41

Everyone claims to know The Scott, but no one can tell you where he is. It reminds you of The Great Gatsby, except with a guy dressed like a weird manga hero.


42

You are too slow. The monster creates a vortex that sucks you in. As you float in ether, the malevolent entity makes you a deal: it will reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you accept to relive the evening as a man.


43

Flippy and The Scott have been good friends since high school. However, no one who actually knows The Scott calls him that. It’s just Scott. Flippy asks if you want to meet him.


44

Good thinking: the pizza ovens might be able to generate enough heat to seal the trans-dimensional portal Alexei was talking about. The cab driver, whom you now recognize from earlier this evening, drops you off at his previous place of employment: The Pizza Place. Because you just lost someone, the ride’s on him.


45

The men’s room is deserted, a rare occurrence in nightclubs. The walls open up, revealing a hole in the space-time continuum. A young woman with curly brown hair, an effeminate bloke with a ponytail, and a tall Asian man with tattoos are trying to escape the vortex.


46

They left without you. Let’s get back to the plot.


47

You find Audrey at the bar. She’s fine. The same can’t be said of Flippy, whom you see flung across the room by a strange creature. Audrey shouts, “Continuum!” and puts on a pair of clunky metallic gloves. She starts shooting lasers at the monster.


48

You hail a nearby cab. Unfortunately, Alexei doesn’t make it.


49

They left without you. Let’s get back to the plot.


50

You reach into the vortex but can no longer find The Scott. Perhaps he was never there. You slip and get sucked in. Floating in ether, you hear a strange creature.


51

Before you can make your move, another man is flung across the room by a strange creature. Audrey shouts, “Continuum!” and puts on a pair of clunky metallic gloves. She starts shooting lasers at the monster.


52

You would’ve been very happy in the fifties. You blankly stare at each other for over ten minutes.


53

The Scott’s friends burst out laughing. They try to apologize, but you’re too embarrassed to listen.


54

Before you can make your move, another man is flung across the room by a strange creature. Alexei shouts, “Continuum!” and starts shooting lasers at the monster.


55

At the bar, you meet a charming blond, who buys you a drink. You feel an instant rapport with her.


56

At the bar, you meet a charming man, who buys you a drink. You feel an instant rapport with him.


57

You hail a nearby cab. You recognize the driver from earlier this evening.


58

“Call me Victor,” the entity replies. “I have an offer for you: if you accept to relive this evening as a male, I will reverse the flow of time and erase all of tonight’s events.”


59

The monster creates a vortex that sucks you in. As you float in ether, the malevolent entity makes you a deal: it will reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you accept to relive the evening as a woman.


60

The Scott’s friends burst out laughing. They try to apologize, but you’re too embarrassed to listen.


61

Daphne tells you she and Philippe used to go out. She asks you what’s become of him.


62

The Scott’s friends burst out laughing. They try to apologize, but you’re too embarrassed to listen.


63

Audrey asks Daphne if you’re legit. Daphne tries to answer, but she’s too busy crying over her ex-boyfriend. The trans-dimensional creature bursts in. The man known as Flippy is on its back, swinging a golf club.


64

You would’ve been very happy in the fifties. Regardless, it doesn’t seem to be working right now. Alexei seems a bit distracted, occasionally eyeing a blond across the bar.


65

It turns out the trans-dimensional creature had set you up from the beginning, controlling your environment to guide your decisions. It had predicted you would come here and had notified Daphne in a dream. Daphne, who sees her ex regularly, was testing you to make sure you are indeed the creature’s chosen one.


66

At the bar, you meet a charming man, who buys you a drink. You feel an instant rapport with him.


67

The trans-dimensional creature bursts in. The man known as Flippy is on its back, hitting the monster with a golf club. The entity creates a vortex in which both Flippy and the beautiful Audrey immediately leap.


68

As you flee the ladies’ room, you bump into the man named Alexei. Your mutual attraction is almost palpable.


69

From inside the creature’s vortex, Audrey will activate her supernatural gloves, creating a ripple effect in the space-time continuum. Meanwhile, Daphne will crank up the last of the ovens. The resulting heat will convert the trans-dimensional ripples into an energy barrier that will confine the creature to a single timeline… Hey, you asked.


70

You would’ve been very happy in the fifties. You blankly stare at each other for over ten minutes.


71

Daphne is staring into the trans-dimensional portal. As you pull out Flippy and his rescued party, you notice two others struggling to escape the vortex: Philippe the cab driver and Alexei, Audrey’s partner and long-time friend. You are running out of time.


72

It turns out Alexei and the creature are linked. In fact, your new acquaintance came here to defeat it. However, the nightclub doesn’t generate enough heat for him to seal the trans-dimensional portal.


73

I’m happy too. What’s your point? Alright, fine. You bump into a woman named Audrey. Your mutual attraction is almost palpable. Before you can make a move, you see a man flung across the room by a strange creature. Audrey shouts, “Continuum!” and puts on a pair of clunky metallic gloves. She starts shooting lasers at the monster.


74

Philippe is not in the mood. He’s already told you about his feelings for his ex, and he’s hurt that you’re not respecting them. He asks you to pay the fare and get out.


75

Flippy shrugs and walks away.


76

You reach for Catherine but lose your balance and slip into the vortex. Catherine’s boyfriend bursts into the room and pulls you to safety. The time warp closes. Grateful you tried to save his lover, the man called Flippy gives you some metafictional advice: “Investigate your heart at journey’s end.”


77

You quickly realize you don’t know how to do that. The monster creates a vortex that sucks you in. As you float in ether, the malevolent entity makes you a deal: it will reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you accept to relive the evening as a woman.


78

The doorman is gay.


79

Flippy shrugs and walks away.


80

Flippy tells you he has a girlfriend. She’s keeping guard outside.


81

Daphne is staring into the trans-dimensional portal. As you pull out Flippy and his rescued party, you notice two others struggling to escape the vortex: Alexei and Philippe, the cab driver. You are running out of time.


82

While you were drinking, your friends left without you.


83

By acting stupid in these final stages.


84

The strange man’s name is Flippy. He claims to be stalking a malevolent entity that can reverse the flow of time.


85

You will live to regret this. The nightclub is hosting a special comics-themed Valentine’s Day party entitled “Stan Lee in Love”, an event organized by a guy calling himself The Scott.


86

“Swanky” means “very fashionable”. While you were searching the dictionary, your friends left without you.


87

Audrey activates her mystical gloves, creating a ripple effect in the space-time continuum. Unfortunately, Flippy’s essence gets in the way of that. You saw him jump into the vortex. What did you do about it? Nothing. Incidentally, that’s what’s left of the timeline. Good going, moron.


88

The nightclub is hosting a special comics-themed Valentine’s Day party entitled “Stan Lee in Love”, an event organized by a guy calling himself The Scott.


89

The strange man’s name is Flippy. He claims to be stalking a malevolent entity that can reverse the flow of time.


90

While you were drinking, your friends left without you.


91

You will live to regret this. The nightclub is hosting a special comics-themed Valentine’s Day party entitled “Stan Lee in Love”, an event organized by a guy calling himself The Scott.


92

Before you can make your move, the young woman hugs you and cautions you to stay inside. She opens the door to let you in.


93

The strange man’s name is Flippy. He claims to be stalking a malevolent entity that can reverse the flow of time.


94

Fine. You passed the psychological evaluation; hormone therapy went well; and the final operation was a success.


95

Flippy asks you to inspect the men’s room. He’s prowled there too often, and people have started to complain (especially stupid homophobes).


96

Near the back entrance, you find a young woman with curly brown hair standing alone in the cold.


97

The young woman’s name is Catherine, and she is helping her boyfriend hunt down a creature threatening the very flow of reality. She cautions you to stay inside, where you’ll be safe from time warps. She then opens the door to let you in.


98

You die lonely and miserable.


99

Catherine asks you to inspect the men’s room, the only place she can’t freely access.


100

Learn to read. I made a complete statement: “Please specify your sex.” You can’t answer “yes” or “no” to that.


101

Audrey knew what she was doing. She had a plan. As she activates her mystical gloves, a ripple effect is created from inside the vortex. Unfortunately, your essence gets in the way of that, and the timeline is destroyed. Congratulations, idiot.


102

The young woman’s name is Catherine, and she is helping her boyfriend hunt down a creature threatening the very flow of reality. She cautions you to stay inside, where you’ll be safe from time warps. She then opens the door to let you in.


103

Flippy tells you he has a girlfriend. She’s keeping guard outside.


104

“Swanky” means “very fashionable”. While you were searching the dictionary, your friends left without you.


105

Audrey is Alexei’s partner. The two are trying to stop the creature from manipulating you into destroying our timeline. They enlisted Daphne’s help to set up a trap.


106

Catherine asks you to inspect the ladies’ room, the only place her boyfriend can’t freely access. (She can’t do it herself because she’s keeping guard.)


107

You reach for Catherine but lose your balance and slip into the vortex. Catherine’s boyfriend bursts into the room and pulls you to safety. The time warp closes. Grateful you tried to save his lover, the man called Flippy gives you some metafictional advice: “Investigate your heart before journey’s end.”


108

It’s February 14, and your friends invite you to celebrate Valentine’s Day at a swanky nightclub.


109

Get your mind out of the gutter. You have more pressing matters. The monster creates a vortex that sucks you in. As you float in ether, the malevolent entity makes you a deal: it will reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you accept to relive the evening as a woman.


110

Everyone claims to know The Scott, but no one can tell you where he is. It reminds you of The Great Gatsby, except with a guy dressed like a weird manga hero.


111

Stop it! The young woman hugs you again and urges you to get inside.


112

All your guy friends instantly fall in love with you. They disappear just as quickly. The creature responsible tells you the flow of time must be moulded and opens a gateway to the nightclub, where you see your friends dancing.


113

Stop it! The young woman hugs you again and urges you to get inside.


114

Flippy and The Scott have been good friends since high school. However, no one who actually knows The Scott calls him that. It’s just Scott. Flippy asks if you want to meet him.


115

A dozen nerds immediately surround you, twitching their wrists as if imaginary claws were popping out from the back of their hands: “No one disrespects Stan Lee!”


116

You end up in jail. You fall asleep in your cell. In your dream, you meet a strange creature who claims it can reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you agree to relive the evening as a man.


117

You successfully pull Alexei out of the vortex, scoring major brownie points with Audrey. Of course, the matter of the last oven remains unresolved, and you’ve just run out of time. Literally. The timeline is destroyed. Well done, you imbecile.


118

The ladies’ room is deserted, a rare occurrence in nightclubs. The walls open up, revealing a hole in the space-time continuum. A young woman with curly brown hair, a handsome bloke with a ponytail, and a tall Asian man with tattoos are trying to escape the vortex.


119

By acting stupid in these final stages.


120

Feeling used, Philippe threatens to double the fare if you don’t pay him now.


121

You take hold of Flippy’s ankles, allowing him to grab three people inside the vortex. Among them is his girlfriend Catherine. Meanwhile, Audrey courageously activates her mystical gloves, but Daphne refuses to crank up the last oven, an essential part of their plan.


122

You find Alexi at the bar. He’s doing just fine. The same can’t be said of Flippy, whom you see flung across the room by a strange creature. Alexei shouts, “Continuum!” and starts shooting lasers at the monster.


123

The creature hopes to manipulate you into destroying our timeline. Audrey and her partner Alexei, who’s now stuck in the beast’s vortex, have vowed to stop it. They enlisted Daphne’s help to set up a trap.


124

It never ceases to amaze the things women put in their purse. The cab driver is very grateful. He tells you his life story: his name is Philippe; he used to work at a pizzeria; and he still has feelings for his ex. The ride’s on the house.


125

Daphne assures Audrey you’re telling the truth. They start cranking up the ovens.


126

They left without you. Let’s get back to the plot.


127

Daphne calls you a liar. Audrey knocks you unconscious. You wake up in your bed, lonely and miserable. Was this all a dream? No, it wasn’t.


128

The conversation goes well. You learn his name is Alexei. He learns you have lousy friends somewhere in the club. Unfortunately, you’re interrupted by a clumsy blond who drops her drink on your lap.


129

Daphne, the only employee present, seems sceptical when you tell her she needs to crank up the ovens immediately in order to defeat an oncoming trans-dimensional beast.


130

Before you can make your move, another man is flung across the room by a strange creature. Alexei shouts, “Continuum!” and starts shooting lasers at the monster.


131

Good thinking: the pizza ovens might be able to generate enough heat to seal the trans-dimensional portal Audrey was talking about. The cab driver drops you and Audrey off at his previous place of employment: The Pizza Place. Because he’s in a romantic mood, the ride’s on him.


132

Scott tells you about a dream he had. It involved a sci-fi concept called the multiverse and a bizarre entity named Victor. Victor told Scott you would meet tonight and left a message for you: “You will meet him at the bar.”


133

The conversation goes well. You learn her name is Audrey. She learns you have lousy friends somewhere in the club. Unfortunately, you’re interrupted by a clumsy man who drops his drink on your lap.


134

The strange man leads you to The Scott, a boyish slacker with a “Captain Super” tee-shirt. The Scott is discussing comic books with his friends. He stops in mid-sentence to say he’s been expecting you.


135

Scott tells you about a dream he had. It involved a sci-fi concept called the multiverse and a bizarre entity named Victor. Victor told Scott you would meet tonight and left a message for you: “You will meet her at the bar.”


136

The strange man leads you to The Scott, a boyish slacker with a “Captain Super” tee-shirt. The Scott is discussing comic books with his friends. He stops in mid-sentence to say he’s been expecting you.


137

The strange man leads you to The Scott, a boyish slacker with a “Captain Super” tee-shirt. The Scott is discussing comic books with his friends. He stops in mid-sentence to say he’s been expecting you.


138

Scott tells you about a dream he had. It involved a sci-fi concept called the multiverse and a bizarre entity named Victor. Victor told Scott you would meet tonight and left a message for you: “You will meet him at the bar.”


139

As you flee the men’s room, you bump into the woman named Audrey. Your mutual attraction is almost palpable.


140

You would’ve been very happy in the fifties. Regardless, it doesn’t seem to be working right now. Alexei seems a bit distracted, occasionally eyeing a blond across the bar.


141

It turns out Audrey is some sort of super-hero. She came here to destroy the creature. However, the nightclub doesn’t generate enough heat for her to seal the trans-dimensional portal (whatever that means).


142

The conversation goes well. You learn his name is Alexei. He learns you have lousy friends somewhere in the club. Unfortunately, you’re interrupted by a clumsy blond who drops her drink on your lap.


143

You reach for Catherine but lose your balance and slip into the vortex. Catherine’s boyfriend bursts into the room and pulls you to safety. The time warp closes. Grateful you tried to save his lover, the man called Flippy gives you some metafictional advice: “Investigate your heart at journey’s end.”


144

As you flee the ladies’ room, you bump into the man named Alexei. Your mutual attraction is almost palpable.


145

Flippy asks you to inspect the men’s room. He’s prowled there too often, and people have started to complain (especially stupid homophobes).


146

Let me get this straight: because you’re gay, you find the idea of conversing with the opposite sex offensive? Fine. You die lonely and miserable.


147

The strange man’s name is Flippy. He claims to be stalking a malevolent entity that can reverse the flow of time.


148

You reach into the vortex but slip and get sucked in. As the portal closes over you, you see Flippy enter the ladies’ room. Floating in ether, you hear a strange voice. The entity makes you a deal: it will reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you accept to relive the evening as a man.


149

Catherine asks you to inspect the men’s room, the only place she can’t freely access.


150

Okay… You visit the ice exhibit. It’s beautiful. You see sculptures of swans, famous landmarks, celebrities, etc. Your favourite is an abstract piece representing abandonment and cowardice. It touches you on a profound level. Incidentally, you die lonely and miserable.


151

The young woman’s name is Catherine, and she is helping her boyfriend hunt down a creature threatening the very flow of reality. She cautions you to stay inside, where you’ll be safe from time warps. She then opens the door to let you in.


152

The creature runs after you. You hail a nearby cab. Unfortunately, the driver recognizes you from earlier this evening and refuses to let you in. You have a heart attack and die lonely and miserable.


153

You end up in jail. You fall asleep in your cell. In your dream, you meet a strange creature who claims it can reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you agree to relive the evening as a woman.


154

The monster creates a vortex that sucks you in. As you float in ether, the malevolent entity makes you a deal: it will reverse the flow of time, erasing all that’s just happened, if you accept to relive the evening as a man.


155

The conversation goes well. You learn her name is Audrey. She learns you have lousy friends somewhere in the club. Unfortunately, you’re interrupted by a clumsy man who drops his drink on your lap.


156

It turns out Alexei and the creature are linked. In fact, your new acquaintance came here to defeat it. However, the nightclub doesn’t generate enough heat for him to seal the trans-dimensional portal.


157

Scott tells you about a dream he had. It involved a sci-fi concept called the multiverse and a bizarre entity named Victor. Victor told Scott you would meet tonight and left a message for you: “You will meet her at the bar.”


158

Audrey, an athletic blond with metallic gloves, enters the pizzeria. She calls you a liar and knocks you unconscious. You wake up in your bed, lonely and miserable. Was this all a dream? No, it wasn’t.


159

The strange man leads you to The Scott, a boyish slacker with a “Captain Super” tee-shirt. The Scott is discussing comic books with his friends. He stops in mid-sentence to say he’s been expecting you.


160

You reach for Catherine but lose your balance and slip into the vortex. Catherine’s boyfriend bursts into the room and pulls you to safety. The time warp closes. Grateful you tried to save his lover, the man called Flippy gives you some metafictional advice: “Investigate your heart before journey’s end.”


161

Before you can make your move, another man is flung across the room by a strange creature. Audrey shouts, “Continuum!” and puts on a pair of clunky metallic gloves. She starts shooting lasers at the monster.


162

Daphne calls you a liar. Audrey, an athletic blond with clunky metallic gloves, enters the pizzeria and knocks you unconscious. You wake up in your bed, lonely and miserable. Was this all a dream? No, it wasn’t.


163

You reach into the vortex but can no longer find The Scott. Perhaps he was never there. You slip and get sucked in. Floating in ether, you hear a strange creature.


164

Catherine asks you to inspect the ladies’ room, the only place her boyfriend can’t freely access. (She can’t do it herself because she’s keeping guard.)


165

Hey, you’ve found the bonus! It looks like you took Flippy’s advice to heart. In keeping with the theme, here’s my Microsoft Hearts all-time record, which I’m sure will impress the ladies out there. Incidentally, I achieved it on February 7, 2004, and, yes, I was single at the time.

© Copyright Microsoft Corporation

© Copyright Microsoft Corporation


166

They left without you. Let’s get back to the plot.


167

Audrey, an athletic blonde with clunky metallic gloves, enters the pizzeria. Daphne assures her you’re telling the truth. They start cranking up the ovens.


168

It turns out Audrey is some sort of super-hero. She came here to destroy the creature. However, the nightclub doesn’t generate enough heat for her to seal the trans-dimensional portal (whatever that means).


169

The young woman’s name is Catherine, and she is helping her boyfriend hunt down a creature threatening the very flow of reality. She cautions you to stay inside, where you’ll be safe from time warps. She then opens the door to let you in.


170

Daphne shakes her head at Audrey, who knocks you unconscious. You wake up in your bed, lonely and miserable. Was this all a dream? No, it wasn’t.


171

As soon as you pull Philippe out of the vortex, Daphne cranks up the last oven. She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him inside the time warp. She still loves him.

The plan works: the heat from the ovens becomes an energy barrier that seals the trans-dimensional portal. The vortex sucks itself into oblivion, taking Audrey, Alexei, and the creature along with it.

Catherine and Flippy hold each other lovingly. Daphne and Philippe kiss passionately. You may have lost a prospect, but as you look around and see the couples you saved, you realize you have indeed found love tonight, and the thought fills your heart.

Still, you can’t help but wonder if this is truly a cheesy ending…

Or if it’s just the cheesy beginning!

The end.

Congratulations! You’ve completed A Time-Warped Valentine!

A Time-Warped Valentine

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Category: Random Thoughts | Tags: , ,

          
Editor in Chief / Movie Critic: When he started this site, Dimitri never thought he'd be writing blurbs about himself in the third person. In his other life, he works as a writer, translator, and editor for various publications in print and online. His motto is, "Have pen, will travel."