Heroes Holiday Gift Guide

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© Copyright Universal Pictures

© Copyright Universal Pictures

I’ll level with you. This time of year doesn’t hold quite the same significance for me as it does for others, largely because I grew up in Buddhist and atheist households, none of which celebrated Christmas. However, I do believe in stirring up the economy, so here’s a gift guide for fans of Heroes. I’ve also included a little something in your collective stocking to thank you, dear readers, for being patient with me as I reviewed my first TV show.

I imagine it must seem odd that I’m tackling this series, given it got cancelled this year, but, well, I kind of miss it (“I know what ratatouille is! This woman’s been kidnapped!” is still my ringtone). Besides, I recall a vague mention of a movie special, which leads to my first suggestion: a camera with a nice video editing application like CyberLink PowerEditor 9 because the only way fans are going to see this film is if they produce it themselves.

Otherwise, the highly underrated Push (2009), starring Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning, might make a sweet present. I’ve always argued it’s what a Heroes motion picture ought to look and feel like. Heck, I sometimes wish the show itself looked and felt more like this awesome movie.

For Fans of Emma

If your loved one fantasises about seeing music as psychedelic waves of colour, then he or she might appreciate a game from the Guitar Hero or Rock Band series. I’m more into Dance Dance Revolution myself, but I hear they’re tremendous fun. However, if your loved one is also a fan of Peter Petrelli, avoid Cello Hero at all costs.

For Fans of Sylar

Chances are your loved one asked Santa for either a new clock to add to the collection or some kind of brainteaser to wet his or her appetite (pun intended) every morning. Why not combine both and gift-wrap a nice puzzle alarm clock? After three weeks of having to fit brightly coloured plastic blocks into polygonal holes just to make the device cease its infernal beeping, your loved one will get to experience firsthand what it’s like to be overtaken by villainous impulses.

© Copyright Universal Pictures

© Copyright Universal Pictures

For Fans of Matt

If your loved one would like to know what it’s like to adopt a kid in need and then completely forget about the young one less than a year and a half later, there are a number of international child sponsorship programs available, including Plan and World Vision. This may prove a particularly meaningful present for children of a certain temperament, though you should make sure to discuss the sponsorship beforehand and get them at least a couple of toys. Even at a young age, the gift of debt can be a hard sell.

As My Gift to You, I Impart This Wisdom

The letter “o” is situated right next to the “p” on most keyboards, so always check for embarrassing typos before posting a Herpes review.

Happy shopping!

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Editor in Chief / Movie Critic: When he started this site, Dimitri never thought he'd be writing blurbs about himself in the third person. In his other life, he works as a writer, translator, and editor for various publications in print and online. His motto is, "Have pen, will travel."