Spam Bag Volume 1

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After spending years ignoring angry rants about Batman’s alleged sexuality, I thought I’d take another gander at the site’s virtual mail bag. As demonstrated below, I mostly found spam. Web addresses were removed to avoid giving spammers free advertisement.

Are you curious where people locate medicaments at low prices? At our chemist zone, you will uncover the answer.

We distribute best-selling tablets on severe afflictions, swelling, erection dysfunctions, strain relief, increasing levels of cholesterin, relaxants for your muscles, man’s care, and other disorders. Our proficient logistic supports bring customers additional conveniences. Benefit from our lower prices. Have you reviewed the current weekly special already?

Best of all, your case notes will be reviewed by our appraised practitioners quickly for gratis. Seek for the best deals on tablets at our chemist place now!

Don’t contradict with some jealousy at not being supposed a good walker. “Oh, yes, he did not seem to want to be near enough for conversation. From the moment of this girl’s birth, child, I should like to join you very much, I am very fond of a long walk.” I intend to be her friend. I intend to be her godmother.

Todd Delfuente

I can’t say I’ve ever been all that curious where people get their medicine, but I thank you for the information. I should however point out that I don’t consider man’s care an affliction or a disorder. The implication strikes me as rather homophobic. As for your final paragraph, I’m not sure unsettling potential customers with surrealist prose is the best sales strategy, but don’t you give up on your dream to become that girl’s friendly godmother, Todd.

Rolex is forever. Are you for it?

Get the finest Rolex watch replica!

Replicated to the smallest detail.
98% perfectly accurate markings.
Signature green sticker with serial number on watch back.
Magnified quickset date.
Includes all proper markings.

We also carry all top quality Louis Vuitton handbags!

Anonymous

Thanks for writing. When I read your first line, I thought this was a petition, and I couldn’t figure out why you would oppose the durability of a Rolex. Anyway, I don’t fully understand how “perfectly accurate” can constitute less than 100% or how 98% can be considered “all proper markings”, but here’s what I really want to know: why would your walking around with an expensive purse make me want to buy a watch from you?

MAKE HUGE PROFITS FROM SMALL MOVEMENTS IN THE EURO!

Learn the investment secrets used by banks, institutional traders, and clever speculators all around the world. Find out how the Euro will change the economic world and how you can profit!

Never before have so many countries with such powerful economies united to use a single currency. This means even a small movement in the market has huge profit potential.

Profit Forex

Unfortunately, no article about the Euro currency is planned at this time, Profit. Though I can tell your enthusiasm, what with the uppercase letters and exclamation points, I’m just not sure how I feel about readers giving me homework.

Our chemist zone has shoppers a lawful access to brand name medis. Select from a wide assortment of quality medis.

With a broad variety of medis on afflictions, erection dysfunctions, high cholesterin, tension relief, overweight, muscles relaxants, sleeping difficulties, or man’s health, our cyber medic dispenses quick cures. Have the order sent to you quickly. It is straightforward and quick! These are quality medis that you have been looking for. Catch this chance to lessen the costs and have your case notes reviewed by certified advisers for nil.

Depressed dreams and nightmares, Louisa was now recovering apace. Her mother could even think of her. The Wallises, she had amusement in understanding them. Lady Dalrymple, I had the return of day, noon, after noon, evening, being able to join their party at home, before her brothers and sisters, when the boys played in the churchyard, and I watched them.

Lloyd Deans

It’s funny you should mention this, Lloyd, because Todd was just telling me the exact same thing. That’s quite a coincidence, isn’t it? Anyway, I’m glad to hear Louisa is doing better. She was terrific in Jane Austen’s Persuasion.

Dear Business Owner,

We are the recognized world leader in generating top rankings for our clients on the Internet. If you partner with us we will help you achieve your Internet marketing objectives and more by:
Generating top organic rankings
Custom solutions for your website
Timely quantifiable metrics to evaluate your progress.
Guaranteeing an ongoing maintenance program that will keep you positioned in the forefront of your industry on the Internet.
With your permission, I would like to send you a detailed proposal describing how we can assist your company in reaching your Internet sales goals.

Sincerely,

Barry Burns

Barry, I’m afraid I can’t accept any proposal until somebody explains to me just what an organic ranking is meant to be. Is it a measurement of the living tissue on my website (I’m pretty sure that amounts to zero), or is it a genetically-engineered abomination born of the fusion of ranking DNA with armadillo stem cells, the product of science gone mad and boundless human arrogance? Come to think of it, is anyone regulating the organic quality of your rankings? For all I know, you could be growing your organic rankings in the same fields as your regular rankings, using the same chemical products, and then slapping an “organic” label on the package to sell them at twice the price.

Dear Website Owner,

If I could get you five times the RELEVANT traffic at a substantially reduced cost would you be interested? We can place your website on top of the Natural Listings on Google, Yahoo and MSN. Our Search Engine Optimization team delivers more top rankings than anyone else and we can prove it. We do not use “link farms” or “black hat” methods that Google and the other search engines frown upon and can use to de-list or ban your site. The techniques are proprietary, involving some valuable closely held trade secrets. Our prices are less than half of what other companies charge.

I would be happy to send you a proposal using the top search phrases for your area of expertise. Please contact me at your convenience so I can start saving you some money. Please do not hesitate to email or call me if you would like further information.

Sincerely,

Neal Stone

You can’t fool me, Neal. You may have used a different e-mail account, a different name, and a different font (the original e-mail was in Calibri), but I know you’re really Barry… Or maybe Barry is really you. Never mind. The point is that you guys offer the same service and have the exact same address, and if you’re not the same person, you really need to coordinate better. Besides, “no” means “no”, Neal… Or Barry.

Well, I better quit while I’m ahead. Please don’t hesitate to write in, folks!

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Category: Random Thoughts | Tags: ,

          
Editor in Chief / Movie Critic: When he started this site, Dimitri never thought he'd be writing blurbs about himself in the third person. In his other life, he works as a writer, translator, and editor for various publications in print and online. His motto is, "Have pen, will travel."