Spam Bag Volume 2

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I recently received a slew of spam offering a service so revoltingly stupid I was going to dedicate this edition of the Spam Bag to an endless rant on the subject. However, in honour of X-Month, I figured I’d let various X-Men characters assist me with these letters instead.

A genuine university degree in 4-6 weeks!

Have you ever thought that the only thing stopping you from a great job and better pay was a few letters behind your name? Well, now you can get them!

BA, BSc, MA, MSc, MBA, PhD!

Within 4-6 weeks!

No study required!

100% verifiable!

These are real, genuine degrees that include Bachelors, Masters, MBA and Doctorate degrees. They are fully verifiable, and certified transcripts are available.

Just call the number below. You will thank me later…

Leave a message 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including Sundays and holidays.

Emil Strong

© Copyright Marvel Comics

© Copyright Marvel Comics

There are just so many things wrong with this e-mail. Let’s start with the infuriatingly stupid notion that universities are about “a few letters behind your name”. The purpose of any school is to educate, to provide skills and knowledge for future endeavours. If you don’t show up for any of the classes, you don’t get the know-how associated with the degree.

This is not to say college graduates are somehow smarter than other people. I’ve taught and studied with my fair share of morons, and graduates who act like they’re the world’s elite are exactly the kind of idiots giving education a bad name. However, don’t bother attending college if all you want is a title (or to hide from the big bad word). You’d just end up wasting all your cash on tuition fees and then inevitably drop out when you realize that, as is the case with most worthwhile things in life, you actually have to work for it.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: the plan isn’t to go back to school. What Emil Strong is offering is a chance to acquire a diploma without the hassles of courses, books, and that pesky thing called learning. Well, I know of another place where you can get a degree without following any academic curriculum: the Xavier Institute. You can see how that worked out for Iceman.

Changing careers but lack the right degree?

Want the degree but cannot find the time?

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!

We provide a concept that will allow anyone with sufficient work experience to obtain a fully verifiable University degree: Bachelors, Masters, or even a Doctorate.

Think of it. Within four to six weeks, you too could be a college graduate.

Many people share the same frustration. They are all doing the work of the person that has the degree, and the person that has the degree is getting all the money.

Do not you think that it is time you were paid fair compensation for the level of work you are already doing?

This is your chance to finally make the right move and receive your due benefits.

If you are like most people, you are more than qualified with your experience but are lacking that prestigious piece of paper known as a diploma that is often the passport to success.

CALL US TODAY AND GIVE YOUR WORK EXPERIENCE THE CHANCE TO EARN YOU THE HIGHER COMPENSATION YOU DESERVE!

Alexandria Travis

© Copyright Marvel Comics

© Copyright Marvel Comics

First of all, lacking a degree and being unable to find time are not ideas (let alone a single one), no matter how many upper case letters you use in your e-mail. Second, it’s “the person who has a degree”, not “the person that has a degree”. Somehow, I “do not you think” you would be making these mistakes if you’d gone to school.

Also, a diploma is just a piece of paper the same way an Olympic gold medal is just a metallic disk attached to a rope. You can buy all the phoney awards in the world. It won’t change the fact you don’t have the training they represent. Take the narrator of The X-Men #2, for example. He got himself a very convincing narration degree from a fake university, but he still got fired after just a few panels because he couldn’t do the job. It turns out Colours 101 is a more useful course than he expected.

Time, money keeping you from earning the degree you deserve?

University degree!

OBTAIN A PROSPEROUS FUTURE, MONEY-EARNING POWER, AND THE PRESTIGE THAT COMES WITH HAVING THE CAREER POSITION YOU HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF. DIPLOMA FROM PRESTIGIOUS NON-ACCREDITED UNIVERSITIES BASED ON YOUR PRESENT KNOWLEDGE AND PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE.

If you qualify, no required tests, classes, books, or examinations.

Confidentiality assured!

Leave a message 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including Sundays and holidays.

Emil Colon

© Copyright Marvel Comics

© Copyright Marvel Comics

STOP YELLING AT ME. I DON’T RESPOND TO THESE KINDS OF PRESSURE TECHNIQUES. Forget the absurdity of getting a college degree without “tests, classes, books, or examinations”. This is the part that absolutely flabberghasts me: “Confidentiality assured!” If you were buying yourself a diploma to flaunt in front of potential employers, why in the world would you want it to be confidential? It makes no sense! It’s the kind of harebrained, contradictory scheme I’d expect from a low-rent super-criminal like Mesmero.

This concludes this X-themed edition of the Spam Bag. I’d like to thank all my guests from Marvel Comics. With any luck, this sudden wave of horrible spam will be over by next time.

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Editor in Chief / Movie Critic: When he started this site, Dimitri never thought he'd be writing blurbs about himself in the third person. In his other life, he works as a writer, translator, and editor for various publications in print and online. His motto is, "Have pen, will travel."